Decide to Do it Differently

Now to him who by his power working in us is able to do far beyond anything we can ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20 (CJB)

Former NFL player and college coach, Bill Curry, once said, “You can have the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.” That is such a powerful statement. I think we could say something similar about marriage like, “You can be intentional now, or pay the price latter.” It really is a choice.

We can decide to pour into our marriage or we can ignore and allow the inevitable drift to occur. The natural pattern of life will cause the drift if we do not have a plan to purposefully direct our course.  So, what can you do if you realize you have allowed the drift to occur, you are not where you want to be, or you want it to be different?

Decide to do it differently! Even if you must start by yourself, decide to start. The next season, the second half can be better than the first. Where do you start? Here are a few suggestions:

·       Recognize if there are unhealthy patterns in place. This can be so hard, but it is necessary to know what is not working.

·       Identify if there are root issues that you need to deal with individually or as a couple. A marriage is only as healthy as each of you is individually.

·       Decide what new things need to be in place. Stopping unhealthy patterns of behavior is hard, most of the time we must start by replacing them with new patterns and then ,over time, the new pattern replaces the old one.

·       Determine what you do next.  Maybe it is just you deciding to deal with what you can own, or maybe it is sharing with your spouse what you want or need in your relationship. It may be getting assistance from a marriage coach or counselor. Plan and then start it.

Remember that a change in the course of your journey starts with just one step. You will not change things over night (oh how I wish we could). It will take time to replace old unhealthy patterns of behavior or feel comfortable with new ones. The amazing result is that with each new step we are moving toward the relationship that can be better that we can even imagine. You are not alone in this journey of marriage. God is with you every step of the way.

~Carla