For most of us, well at least under a certain age normally our answer is “It’s fine.” But what this question is really about is, not does your hearing nerve conduct sounds to your brain to correctly interpret but, did you really get what the person talking to you said?
I have to be blunt and tell you that I do think I hear better than my husband. Now, the truth is he really has lost some hearing to a certain range of sound waves, so I am slightly justified by saying what I just did. But even before he had some hearing loss, I always thought of myself and the better “hearer”. I believe I heard most of what he said, but he did not hear most of what I said. I think truthfully that I have always thought that, even to this day.
Now, this is not a pretty admission for a number of reasons. First, there is really no way to actually know if this is true. It is my perspective; but I might be wrong. A second issue is that what happens when you think this way is that everything is filtered through that lens (my husband does not hear well, he misses a lot of what I say). I place myself as a judge over this. I hear better so anytime there is a dispute over something involving what was “said”, I always think I am right. Thirdly, we are told, “Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” James 1:19-20 (ESV) So being slow to speak but quick to hear is the way to approach all of our relationships.
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Listening well is an incredible way to show your spouse that you love them, you honor and respect them, and you'll do whatever is needed to hear them.
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As I look back and examine how I currently hear my husband, do I just “hear” better in the sense that I can quote back what was said? Do I hear in a way that I really know and understand what was said? How many times have I been quick to speak and quick to give a response, without having heard what my husband said? What was being “said” that really was not said? What did I miss by touting my excellent hearing skills, maybe to only miss the real message.
Hearing well, really listening is hard. It means I pause what my brain is trying to do, which might be to plan a response, give a suggestion, rebuttal, rebuke………… Do I really care enough to hear? Do I really want to know? Am I willing to put aside what may be foremost in my mind, and hear my spouse on what is foremost in their mind. Ephesians 4: 2 (NKJV) says, “With all lowliness, gentleness, with long-suffering bearing with one another in love.” Really hearing what your spouse is saying is part of bearing with each other, putting up with either long-winded, too many detailed conversations, or trying to decipher what your spouse is saying, when they really don't say much. Either way is challenging. Listening well is an incredible way to show your spouse that you love them, you honor and respect them, and you'll do whatever is needed to hear them.
~Carla
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