Money Does Matter!

           Does the title seem wrong? Shouldn’t believers say that money does not matter to us? In one sense yes, money should never be an idol. We should always acknowledge that God owns it all. If we belong to Him everything, we have comes from Him and is on loan to us. We are stewards of the money we have. But it doesn’t mean that money does not matter, because it does. 

           Did you know that money is one of top areas of conflict that couples have in marriage?  Did you know that it is one of the top reasons couples cite for why they divorced? Now, on this point it seems that the given reason is “money,” but the real reason is what money means and represents to the couple that is at the root of why they divorced. 

           I wish I had understood when we first married that money is about a whole lot more than money. The issue with money is that it represents different things to different people. Here are some of the different things money may mean to people according to moneyhabitudes.com , 

           Money may mean:

o   Security- Money helps you feel safe and in control.

o   Planning- Money helps you achieve your goals.

o   Carefree- Money isn’t a priority. You just let life happen. 

o   Giving- Money helps you feel good by giving to others.

o   Spontaneous- Money encourages you to enjoy the moment.

o   Status – Money helps you present a positive image.

Now, none of these “mindsets” about money is right or wrong. They are just different ways to think about money and approach it.  The challenge for most married couples is that they have never talked about what money means to them. It is likely that you and your spouse do not share the same attitude about money. Even if you were to share some of the same attitudes it could be for different reasons. 

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 If you have never talked about what money means to you and why, I would encourage you to have that conversation soon. It might be one of the best things you can do for your marriage. 

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           Let me share with you what created such conflict for Johnny and I when we first married (well really for a long time!). My attitude about money was planning and security. I felt so strongly that the right way to handle money was to plan on how it was used, and to always have enough saved to provide “security” for unexpected, unplanned things that could happen. Let’s be honest this sounds so wise and wonderful, doesn’t it? 

           Now in comes Johnny. His mindset is spontaneous and carefree. Can you imagine this? The security needy girl with a plan, married a carefree spontaneous guy with NO PLAN! It created such distress. Every time Johnny had a spontaneous spending moment (even with good intent- like it was the best deal ever and we really needed it), I would literally feel the panic of insecurity because we did not have a plan to pay for it and that created fear in me. 

           I would then react crazy like and get all over Johnny for spending the money. He would feel so frustrated because the way he saw it was that he could never feel carefree. He could never do anything spontaneous. I was trying to put this choke hold on him. He would of course react with anger or frustration, or just shut me out. It was a dance that we kept repeating that was terrible. 

           But then we realized what we did not know. We did not know or understand what each of us thought about money. We were hurting each other, simply because we did not understand. Once we did, wow the difference was beyond amazing. I don’t mean we never have issues around money, but they are few and far between today. Because we get it. 

           If you have never talked about what money means to you and why, I would encourage you to have that conversation soon. It might be one of the best things you can do for your marriage. 

Contact us at www.noregretz.org if you are interested in some additional resources and suggestions. 

~Carla