When Your Conflict is Over Your Children

Children are a gift from the Lord.  We are the stewards of them, to raise them, teach and train them, and leave an eternal legacy. That is our job and our hope. Children bring incredible joy and delight to our lives, but they also can bring conflict. Before you had children, the two of you could pretty much do what you wanted. Once the children arrive, now we have to make decisions and choices not just based on what we might like or want, but what is the wisest decision for our children. As parents we have to make all kinds of decisions and choices through the years of raising them. Some of these decisions may bring conflict between you and your spouse. 

From the beginning, deciding if one of you is going to be the primary stay at home parent, or do you both want or need to work outside the home? This can be a huge area of conflict. Many times, your family of origin and what your parents did may impact your decision. Sometimes there are circumstances that are beyond your control, and they impact your decisions. If you both are going to work outside the home, what does that look like? What about one of you staying home but knowing it impacts your income. Are there other choices you have to make so you can make this happen? There are decisions that have to be made and there are always consequences with any choice you make. What if you don’t see it the same? What if you can’t agree?

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...there will always be opportunities for conflict between the two of you when it comes to your children; don’t let it divide you.

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You may need to try using what we talk about as the “steps” to resolving a conflict. A couple of the steps include:

·        Determine that you need to sit down and discuss the issue. 

·        Decide on a good time for each of you when you can both be at your best.

·        If you already know each other’s preference, then move on. If not, explain what you feel and why you think the way you do.

·        List pros and cons to each option. 

·        Brainstorm what other options might exist. What have you not considered? What can you compromise on? What can you both agree on?

·        Agree to revisit the issue if the decided solution is not working out well. 

God has called you to be parents. He is the wisest parent ever. Ask God how He wants you to parent the children He has given you. Ask Him for wisdom, and the ability to trust Him ultimately with your children. Allow the process of working through a conflict to move you and your spouse closer, not further apart. 

Whether it is daycare, school choice, activities, friends, clothes, hair or make-up, there will always be opportunities for conflict between the two of you when it comes to your children; don’t let it divide you.  Let it create a unified front and forge a stronger bond. The years of parenting are full and overwhelming at times but remember the two of you had these children and you will raise them and send them on. It will be the two of you when this job is done. Let the “job” be a place where you learn to use every conflict to build a stronger marriage. 

~Carla