You know where you want to go, you have a map, now what do you do to get started? I think in many ways, forging a marriage is like getting started on a trip. When you think about it that way, what would you do to get started?
Depending on where you are going it may involve buying some things, getting them out of the attic, getting out a suitcase, maybe buying some groceries, or baking some items. You would simply move toward doing the things necessary to be able to start your trip.
I think that is how we need to look at the vision for our marriage and our road map for getting there. We have to just start! We need a plan! We need to say this is what we are going to do. Maybe you start with a plan. Could you decide that every week, you are going to have some intentional time with your husband? It will of course look different for every couple and every season of life. Maybe you have little ones should you have to schedule it when they are asleep or napping (or you decide to get a sitter, and you leave for a short time). Decide you are going to do it every week. Now, yes life happens and you may have to miss occasionally, but if you don’t plan it, I can promise you there is little chance it will happen.
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As we journey on this trip called marriage, can you laugh when it doesn’t go right? Can you admit when you messed up? Can you say, “I am so sorry, let’s start over” and mean it?
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Part of why you want to do this is that the road map to move toward the marriage you want must include consistent connection. So many times, what couples say is that over time, they just let “life” get in the way and then before they knew it, they were miles apart.
Another part of the how-to is to “do” what you need to do for it to be a good trip. So, if groceries help because where you are going does not have good stores, then by all means buy your groceries before you leave and take them with you. Sounds simple, but how does this relate? Well, do the things that make your marriage trip, moving toward your vision, good. That may mean you plan not just your one time a week connection, but maybe you do other things that let your spouse know you love them, you care about them. What about that special snack or dessert they like? What about offering to do a task that you know they get tired of doing at times? Think back to things you did when you were dating? How did you bless them?
Have you ever had a trip where you forgot something, or things just started out wrong? Probably! What did you do? Did you laugh about the fact that you forgot your bathing suit and you're on the way to the beach? Did you laugh because you forgot all your shoes? This will happen (well some version of this). As we journey on this trip called marriage, can you laugh when it doesn’t go right? Can you admit when you messed up? Can you say, “I am so sorry, let’s start over” and mean it?
This trip called marriage is a journey and it will have some unexpected turns and twists. But, when we decide we are on this trip together and we can ask God to keep teaching us to learn how to lean into each other, it can be the most amazing journey you will ever take.
~Carla
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